Keeping Your Job and Your Sanity: Part III

Missed Part I and Part II?

During these months, I started to take solace in this quote: “I can’t apologize about where God is calling me.” I just didn’t know where God was calling me.

That seems direct and to the point. But the issue is also much larger. If I place all hope in myself, I am not allowing space for God to move. Perhaps God is saying that my journey here is over and is placing a call on someone else’s life to carry the baton. In my overfunctioning, my blinders were keeping me focused straight ahead, running forward with everything I had in me.

I eventually left and moved onto another ministry position. My “official” reasons were many, and made much sense. Looking back, I realize that burnout was probably the biggest reason, although I don’t know that I was aware of it at the time. I was only part-time. Why did I think I could do all of that, without even so much as a weekend vacation? Without some sort of stress-reliever.

My new position was temporary, and I often wondered if I should have stayed in that first church and tried to push through. I wondered when I left if that church would survive -- that was the overfunctioning talking.

With space between that time and now, I see that the church has moved ahead, and others became empowered when I stepped aside.

A former student in the youth ministry took the reigns of the youth ministry for a season. Talks about the new building moved ahead. That video projection ended up in the Sanctuary. New families began attending the church. Another couple stepped up to lead the college-age/stage ministry.

I thank God for my time there. I learned so much, and as I moved into a new ministry position, I knew myself better and could position myself to not fall into the same traps. I knew my boundaries of time, of communication, of needing a personal day off.

Overfunctioning? I’m done with it! I hope I never find myself thinking that the future of the church I work in is based only on the success of the ministries I oversee. I have to create that space between myself and my job, differentiating my sense of self from my work. When a day is good, I can celebrate. But when a day is bad, I need to separate myself from the situation.

And I learned about conflict and anxiety. The deacons who cried “foul” were simply anxious. The problem was not me, and I see that now. But I did not have the experience or the maturity then to know that. I laugh at that story now. If I keep living stories like that, I might have to write a book!

God is working in the midst of what I do. And God is working in the midst of what I don’t do. As long as I am in tune with God’s call for my life, then the rest will fall into place. Sometimes that might include leaving a ministry position. Other times it will mean staying even when it hurts. But God provides, and that’s all that really matters.

Read the original.

Keeping Your Job and Your Sanity: Part II

Missed Part I?

The pastor had visions of a new building, with increased fellowship space, new offices and a new place for the youth ministry to call home. The existing youth space was the original sanctuary and had been renovated by the students. They didn’t want to see it go away, but the reality of a decaying structure had rendered the building passe. So what did I do? Spent countless hours drawing up plans and drawings for a new structure.

What about my job? Oh, right. I was still leading the youth ministry, planning events, teaching Bible studies and keeping that train moving. In and of itself, it seemed to be an uphill battle.

When a renovation of the Sanctuary came around the following spring, I worked hard to give the Facilities Team a proposal for a video projection system. “That will help the church move forward,” I thought.

Following an intense Bible study on poverty with the students, we planned a huge community concert/fundraiser. The schedule included bands all afternoon, food and entertainment, with the proceeds benefitting poverty-fighting organizations. We raised a few thousand dollars, energized the congregation and brought much of the church out to enjoy the afternoon.

By that point, I was looking for jobs. “I can’t go on,” I reasoned. “I can’t keep putting this much energy into this.” The night after the fundraiser, I had an unofficial interview at another church.

A week later, I was to fill in for the pastor while he and his wife got away on a much needed vacation. He would miss two Sundays, and I would preach both times, serving Communion on the second Sunday. Deacons in the congregation cried “foul”: I was not ordained, how could I possibly be serving communion? One of them even boycotted communion while he was sitting in the pew!

I interviewed officially for that job in early June, but didn’t get it. I had another opportunity pop up, but the logistics were too difficult to solve. I returned to my office each day dismayed, tired and frustrated. My boss’ kids were in high school and college, so our discussion often turned to keeping it going, for the sake of his kids.

The pressure was mounting, and I was finding no release. My family visited during that fundraising concert and had a conversation with the Pastor. He knew most of my frustrations, and I knew some of his. He voiced some of that to my family, letting them know he hoped I wouldn’t leave.

Check back tomorrow for the finale, Part III.

Keeping your Job and Your Sanity: Part I

I bought into the myth. The myth that a vital, thriving ministry to youth, college students and young adults would draw families into an aging church. Youth don't have money to tithe, and young adults just don't tithe. But their families bring money. And more people.

To a church past its 125th anniversary, in a neighborhood past the rapid suburban growth, increasing in average age, money, people and vitality are important for survival.

Once that myth wrapped its loving arms around me, filling the role of youth pastor seemed to be the most important role to birthing a new day in that church. The future of the church sets itself on your shoulders, and it’s off to the races.

When I started at the church, three students had just graduated high school. My first year, four graduated.

As we entered the next year, I knew 5 students would be graduating at years’ end, leaving a small group of students still in the ministry. I knew that it would be my last unless something changed.

What did I do? I worked harder. I spent more hours on things that weren’t in my job description, hoping those ministries could either become part of my job or result in fruitful growth that would perpetuate my current job description.

My job was 15-20 hours a week during the school year. I was also in my first year of seminary. And I was single. With no reason to be home, I worked late into the evenings, just trying to make something happen.

It started with the young adult ministry. I laid out a vision, shared with the young adults and the church, set a start date, invited other churches to be involved. The pastor was excited: he had a college-age son, so the ministry would attract him to the church. Church leadership was excited. The first night we had five young adults. Over the weeks that followed, we had a dozen young adults show their faces. It was great. They said it was just what they needed. It lasted a few months, but I was the only one sensing the call to lead, and I burned out.

Check back tomorrow for Part II.

EVERYTHING MUST CHANGE

I just got a message on Facebook from my first youth pastor. I knew he had been working on a new project for a while, but didn't know what it was. He's been working behind the scenes on EverythingMustChange.org. I haven't had a chance to read Brian McLaren's new book, which the site is based around, but I've heard great things. Kind of exciting to know the behind-the-scenes guys...

college students today.

props to Marko for finding this one:

which reminded me of another video i saw recently:

remedy.

I didn't have to be as stealthy as Marko to get an early copy of "Remedy," I just had to know the right person, and he loaned it to me. Crowder has always had a way with worship, and "Remedy" is no different.

"Remedy" begins with "The Glory Of It All," a simple, yet powerful song that draws in the complete power and glory of God, from Creation to the end of time, and drawing on the whole Gospel story. It sets the stage for an experience of awe in worship that is incredibly powerful.

The rest of the CD? It continues on, almost as its own, complete worship experience. I'm ready to put a video background behind it with moving images, highlighting certain words (a la iWorship) and using it as a worship service sometime.

"...neverending..." features the hottest piece of Crowder's summer tour, the now-famous use of the Guitar Hero guitar. Who turns something so simple (it only has three chords) into something so powerful? Well, other than Crowder... [side note: google "david crowder guitar hero" for a wide selection of YouTube/Google videos]

As usual, DC*B has innovated their use of music, they bring diverse styles to this album and yet remain so simple. The words are powerful, but not complex. They draw the listener in and share a hope for so much more.

On a personal note, this has been a really long week. When my friend handed me the CD Tuesday, he said, "I think you might need this more than I do right now." It has been on repeat ever since. At some point, I usually get tired of listening to the CD in the same order, so I'll let it shuffle. This one I have made sure to leave going in order. The song progression will lead you into a time of worship, and is quite remarkable. And now I'll echo Marko's sentiments:

"ok, i’m gushing, i realize. for me, this is why god invented music. sorry you have to wait a [week]. pre-order, i tell you."

Campolo.

We spent a good three days with Tony Campolo in town last week. He had a lot of great ideas to share, and was incredibly down to earth. The first night he spoke on Becoming Red-Letter Christians. He gave a similar talk at the Youth Specialties' conference in the fall, but added a bit of Baptist jargon to this one. Second night he spoke on consumerism in America and its relation to true Christianity. I was on the worship team that led music for that worship service, and I had a chance to talk to Tony afterwards. The third day he spoke on the God of Love, as opposed to a god of power. Plenty to think about after the conference.

Later in the week I picked up a copy of his new book, Everybody Wants to CHANGE THE WORLD: Practical Ideas for Social Justice. This is a great collection of ideas and places for individuals and groups to get involved in changing our world. I can't wait to have an opportunity to put some of these ideas into action with the students. A good, quick read and an inspiration!

text messaging from e-mail.

A fellow youth minister asked this morning how best to communicate to students and parents. It's expensive to snail mail, a lot of our students don't have or check e-mail, some parents don't want their students on Myspace/Facebook. So how about cell phones? Nearly every student has one, so how can we use them efficiently and inexpensively?

Cell phone companies have dedicated e-mail addresses for each cell phone. [That's kind of scary to think that spammers could get through to our cell phones so easily!] Now we can tap into that by creating a mailing list in our e-mail program with our students cell numbers entered as an e-mail address. Here's how:

And a link to more carriers: HERE

A few things to remember... Text messages can only have 160 characters--so keep it short! If someone replies to you and you want to reply, be sure to clear out the message window so the original message doesn't count toward your 160 characters.

There is a downside: you have to find out what carrier each of your students has. For our youth group, I know what most of them have--but we aren't very big. An extra step, but it'll save some money. There are computer programs out there to send text messages from your computer if you only know the phone number, but you can only send one at a time. This way you get a mailing list message sent out to all your students from the comfort of your e-mail system. Please post a comment if you have an update, or a mobile service provider that I missed. Or if you have an even easier solution!

nywc: charlotte #5 [Recap #1]

People keep asking, "Was it worth it?" I've said yes, with almost no doubt about saying that. Looking back, it was a great time of rest, of learning (better than seminary learning, this was the good stuff!), but the best part was spending time with good friends. I told one of my friends from Richmond how sad it is that we have to travel to Charlotte to see each other.

Looking back on the music in worship, it wasn't the greatest. But I have come home with new songs that I've been singing non-stop. By far my favorite has been "When I Think About the Lord" from Shane + Shane:

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how He raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up, turned me around
How He set my feet on solid ground
And it makes me want to shout, Hallelujah!
Thank you Jesus, Lord You're worthy
Of all the glory and all the honor, and all the praise

The pictures are from Stellar Kart. We missed all but the last few minutes because we went to the Charlotte Bobcats vs. Detroit Pistons. But the game was a good chance to get away from the Convention Center for a bit, and we made it back in time for the good stuff.

I'm already looking forward to next year. But here's the dilemma: St. Louis or Atlanta. The earlier conventions this year seemed to have a better line-up of speakers, bands and worship leaders. But Atlanta is during Thanksgiving Break, so I could stay longer. Ah, choices. I'd love to go to the Lou simply because I've never been. So we'll see what happens. But I will be there, ready to learn with an open mind. More on what I learned in Recap #2...

nywc: charlotte #4

Gordon wrote on his blog earlier today about the lack of true worship during General Sessions at the NYWC. I can't agree with him more. It's ironic to listen to Dan Kimball discuss how we introduce times of music during worship services at our church as, "Let's stand and join in worship" while that exact thing happens at the NYWC. At some point, some time, we're going to have to start making changes to how we think, how we act, how we talk. And we can't just talk about making these changes, at some point we have to start doing. Enough ranting, I think. The reflective worship based on the Celtic tradition was amazing this morning, and I hope Shane + Shane can continue a spirit of genuineness in their worship leadership tomorrow and Monday.

Speaking of being genuine -- Mike and the guys from Big Daddy Weave joined us tonight and played a couple songs. The joy radiating from their faces was amazing. It caused me to become more excited about being in that concert because of their energy. They truly seemed to be enjoying themselves, having fun making music. I hope that as I lead in worship, I will radiate that joy, drawing others to desire to enter into that place of worship with me. It's not about the music style. It's not about the volume. It's not about people looking to us to solve all their problems. As Chris Hill spoke tonight, we're not the light -- we're just pointing other people, and our students, in particular, to where the light is.

Tomorrow: day 3. G'night.

nywc: charlotte #3

Yesterday I went to Dan Kimball's sessions on Changing Youth Group Kids Into Youth Missionaries[download notes] and The Importance of Theology In Youth Minister[download notes]. Great time of thinking through why we do what we do. I realized that I could listen to thoughts and ideas and ways of doing youth ministry all day. But to listen at a session like these two with Dan and begin to contemplate why we do what we do, the rest of our ministry will fall into place. Comparative Youth Ministry is no way to grow.

Kenda Creasy-Dean [download notes] talked during her time in the General Session about the Cricket Ringtone, 17 KHz. Apparently it's ear-pearcing to those who can hear it, but I'm one of the old guys now -- I can't. Her main teaching passage was 1 Samuel 3. I hear this story of Samuel and Elijah used all the time to empower young people, to call them out. But she took a slightly different twist and encouraged us to be empowered, like Elijah was -- not necessarily to be hearing from God all the time, but to shape the lives and minds of our students so they know how to hear from God. Pretty awesome thought. She closed with a great Celtic Prayer:
God, we pray…

Christ’s Cross on this Face

Christ’s Cross on these Ears

Christ’s Cross on these Eyes

Christ’s Cross on these Lips

Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

The highlight of the day was finally hearing Tony Campolo speak [download notes]. He's an incredibly gifted communicator. He spoke for at least 30 minutes with absolutely no notes, following his mental outline, quoting Scripture. It was awesome to hear from a great mind like Tony. There were great quotes throughout his message (including this one that Marko quoted this morning), but the greatest thought is this: we could build any youth group we wanted to, incorporate any worship or Bible study or retreats. But the greatest need of the students of this generation is for us to lead them into a place where they understand how to connect with God, through prayer, through worship. "You’re not gonna get kids to do any of this simply by giving them a pep talk. We need to make our kids into spiritual people because they need to be spiritual to change the world. But we can’t turn our kids into spiritual people if we ourselves are not spiritual."

Off to Day 2...

nywc: charlotte #2

Day 1 is over. It was interesting. I'm still processing, so I'll leave it at that. I'm pretty impressed with the speakers and presenters -- Kenda Creasy-Dean, Tony Campolo and Dan Kimball -- but the music and acts have been just alright.

Good time at Uno's tonight. First was dinner with some YMs from Virginia Baptist churches, a bunch of whom are good friends I don't see too often, and then a late-night dessert run back to Uno's with two United Methodist YMs from Richmond. I had to get my ecumenism in today.

I've got notes from the sessions that I'll get up in the morning, plus thoughts from the day's sessions. Time for sleep before Day 2...but first, a few pictures. Worship with Starfield (left) and Tony Campolo (right).

nywc: charlotte. 1.1

I've really been missing out on the downtown life. There's something about the energy in the city that sucks me in. It's great!

Welcome to Charlotte, home of this year's 4th and final NYWC. Hopefully I'll be blogging throughout the weekend--or at least posting recaps after it's all over. And I've got a new camera I'll be playing with, so hopefully I'll get some pictures up too.

I had noticed on Marko's blog last week that Gordon was going to be coming in from Scotland for the NYWC. Well I'm on this strange kick now that I wake up at 7:13 in the morning, no matter what. So I gathered up my laptop, a new book I'm reading and headed down to the lobby. While I'm sitting there a guy walks up and I helped him out with getting connected to the wireless network, and his name was Gordon--only I didn't realize until I looked at Marko's blog after he left that it was THE Gordon. So Gordon, if you're out there reading this, welcome to the Southeast! It's good to have the whole world represented in the conversations this weekend.

More on Day 1 later...

high school.

      I met the principal of the local high school tonight and realized maybe we're missing out on a huge opportunity in youth ministry. We look for the latest and greatest youth ministry resources on trends and what students are going through.

      Teachers and school administrators interact with these students everyday. Youth Ministers spend time with them a few times a week. Why aren't we meeting together, all political/religious agendas aside, to help out our students, understand what they're going through, share ideas?

      Is anybody doing this already?

stories.

A friend of mine told two stories at lunch today. First...

Last year at a big 4-day youth worship experience in our community, he noticed one of his youth texting during worship. He asked her what she was doing figuring she was just goofing around. She said back to him, "I'm inviting somebody." My friend was thinking "he better show up, or I'll show her!"

About ten minutes later a guy walks in, sits down behind the girl and leans back, seemingly counting the ceiling tiles. My friend asked the girl what the deal was with this guy. She said, "He's my best friend's boyfriend, and we can't stand each other." My friend said, "Then why'd you invite him?" She said, "Cause he needs to hear about God too." Later that night this guy decided he needed to follow God with his life. His life changed in one night cause a girl he didn't like, who didn't like him, got him to come.


Story 2:

The same friend was worshiping in a big city arena a few years ago when two girls and their boyfriends walked in and sat down behind him. The girls worshipped while their boyfriends sat behind them, cussing, obviously hating being there. By the end of the night, they were worshipping too.

Why is it that we feel like an "outreach" or "evangelism" event has to be fun and entertaining? If we're connecting with God through worship, people outside the church will see that, and hopefully understand that. Or at the very least they'll ask questions about why we do what we do. Why can't we put as much energy into worship experiences and connecting with God as we put into the "fun" stuff?